Tantragate

The usual stories that dominate our local media were blown off the table yesterday by the shocking revelation that some men in their early 20s with more money than most sometimes act like twats in pubs.

We've had this story many times before, but it usually happens in relegation seasons (you might remember the story of the 1992 Forest Xmas do when various players in Panto costumes ended up tired and emotional whilst being so rooted to the bottom of the Premiership you had to send a search party out to find them in the newspaper tables). The main differences between then and now is that Forest aren't going to get relegated, and wasn't an internet in those medieval days, and a pissed-off bloke on a forum didn't have the means to start what is, in the main, a massive non-story (but a very entertaining one).

Let's have a pick at it, shall we?

Me and my friends were in old revolution

Oh dear. Bad start.

at about 7 o'clock when in walked John Thompson, Jack Lester, John Curtis, Neil Harris, Scott Dobie, Barry Roche and Ross Gardner. Junior Agogo was not far behind. I initially thought what cheek you have to be out after an absolute hammering but realised they were mainly young lads and deserved an occasional drink.

No argument there. When you're had a shit day at work, the natural inclination is to go straight out on the mash. Problem is, I can't think of a workplace equivilent of a 5-0 battering by Oldham that doesn't involve accidentally burning your factory down, or being caught masturbating on your bosses desk.

It was after about three minutes of them being there that I realised how rude, dissrespectful, and arrogant they were - John Thompson just smashed a glass on the table, totally deliberately, and made a girl working there clean up his mess.

I think he's refering to the bloken glass, and not casting aspersions on John Thompson's toilet-training abilities.

John Curtis had his feet on the table, Jack Lester and others all threw drinks on Neil Harris as a "joke" before Harris decided it would be funny to slide tackle two stools

Oh my God, I've heard about videos like this...

...n take out John Curtis, resulting in 3 players on the floor and 2 chairs. After this massive show of disrespect, all players were happily laughing their heads off, obviously already battered at about 7 o clock.

So far, so Lloyds No.1 on a Friday evening. But later that night...

We left to go bowling and didn't see them again until it was about 11 o'clock in Tantra.

Oh dear. The Happy Shopper Geisha.

At first only John Curtis and Neil Harris were there, chatting
up women.

"Ayup, duck...I'm in a third division football team, so unless you've spunked 400 quid or so on a season ticket, you wouldn't know who the fuck I am. Oh, and we're not very good - in fact, we got beaten like a Chipperfield chimp by Oldham Athletic the other day. Er, fancy a shag?"

before we left I went to say hello to the lads and told Harris I was there at Oldham. His reply was "I don't give a f"uck". I was surprised but said "Well surely you care a little, You play for Forest", and he replied "I don't care, I Wasn't involved so don't give a ****!"

I see Mr Rubbish Footballer's point, here. If I was on the bench watching my team getting crushed like flies, I'd be rubbing me cakey little hands together and waiting for the call-up to the first XI.

I was angered by this and made it clear that I, and many more had been there and were paying his wages and I didn't think it was right that he "didn't give a f*ck".

No, mate, let's clear this up right away. Nigel Daugherty pays his wages. You, as a Forest fan, are paying off the massive, crippling, Oh-my God-I-want-to-jump-off-the-top-of Viccy-Flats debt incurred by David Platt a decade ago.

We then had a 5 minute talk where I made it sure that I didn't blame him at all for the recent drop in form, despite his terrible attitude, and I just thought it was a little out of order of the lads to be so battered so early, especially after they had been hammered 5-0.We left on good terms, shook hands and wished each other the best for the new year.

Isn't being pissed great? When else can you have a conversation that goes;

"You and your mates at work are shit"
"I don't give a fuck that me and my mates at work are shit"
"Ah well, Happy New Year, mate"
"Yeah, same to you, duck"

About half an hour later, after a trip to market bar which was closed

D'oh!

we returned to Tantra.

D'OH!

Harris and Curtis got up and were on their way up the stairs when me and a friend started singing, after their disgraceful behaviour earlier in the night, "You're not fit to wear the shirt!"

Now this is a bit unfair. For one, would you like to leave a pub and hear people shouting "You're not fit to work a till!" or "Your sales targets are SHIIIT and you know they are!" Secondly, you can go into town on a Saturday dinnertime and see thousands of people not fit to wear a Forest shirt. Those things are clingy.

They both turned round and stormed towards us saying things like "What the f*ck are you saying" and "Who the f*ck are you to say that". This quickly moved on to "Lets go outside and I'll batter you". They were obviously drunk but I still couldn't believe the reaction. So aggressive.

Ooh, I think I can believe it, readers - can you?

The bouncers quickly got in between and Harris said "I wasn't even playing you Prick" and my mate said "theres a reason you weren't playing!" At this point, Neil Harris slapped my friend, straight in the face, a man that has supported Forest all his life and cares so so much about the club. The bouncers promptly threw both Curtis and Harris out. We were just shocked.

"...that he actually made contact, and didn't balloon his slap into the Hogshead across the road"

In a nutshell, a load o' fanny about nothing. Someone having a go at someone else happens a hundred times a night in town, footballers are more likely to go to horrible ponce-bars and be arseholes than not, and the people who follow them are always up for having a go when the team is playing like shit.

There's only one interesting question to come out of this - why do you never hear of Notts County players out on the batter? Do they stop at home and have piano lessons or go to drama groups or something?