Saturday, January 06, 2007

Tantragate II: You've Shit, And You Know You Have

It's not that often that LeftLion gets a bona fide scoop (for want of a better word, as you'll soon find out), but by deploying every erg of my highly-trained journalistic ability (alright, by walking into the right pub last night and being buttonholed by the bar staff) I can divulge that there's something about the 'Forest players getting pissed in town' story that the Evening Post and the national press are holding back, and there's more to the story than meets the eye. Or nose.

It turns out that the Forest party called into another, hitherto unmentioned bar in Hockley that night. I've been asked by the staff not to mention which one, due to the fact that a) they're still talking to the police, and b) they don't want it put about that Third Division footballers drink there - but rest assured that much badness a gwan.

45 minutes of CCTV footage have been passed on to Bobby Copper, and the misdemenours documented include;
  • The trashing of a very tasteful Hockley Xmas tree

  • Someone piling up assorted rubbish in an ashtray in an attempt to set fire to a table

  • Random cuntiness aimed at the good people who drink there.

All very minor, I'm sure you'll agree. But the coup de gras was when the Forest party assembled in the Gents (for whatever reason, I dunno), which was when some poor sod on the bar asked them to leave, and encountered one of the players already mentioned in previous reports with his trousers round his ankles. After the Forest party left, the same bar chap discovered that someone had shit on the floor of the Gents.

It's not often in one's life that you get to see photographic evidence of a Forest player's excrement. I had that 'pleasure' tonight, and were it not for the fact that my Bluetooth is shagged up on my laptop, you could have had it too. This, my friends, is the real reason for the police involvement. Yes, I've been given the name of the accused player, but at this moment in time I feel the need to keep me mouth shut and cover my arse - which is what said player should have done.

Oh, and they're playing Charlton in the Cup today. If they pull off the impossible and actually beat them, every member of the Forest squad is invited to come into my house and curl one off on the living room carpet while I'm having me tea.

No comments: