Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Celebrity Big Brother: The East Midlands Connection

Hardly anyone seems to be watching Celebrity Big Brother (and my interest dipped considerably when I found out that Su Pollard wasn't going to be in it, after it was rumoured that she would be), but fret not, youths and youthesses - there is an East Midlands element. Britain's Favourite Fishwife Jade Goody has revealed that she couldn't be arsed with practising what her fitness DVDs preached and went to Leicester to have her fat lasered out, the lazy cowbag.

Putting aside the question as to why thousands of people thought that being screeched at by a trollop with the mental capacity of an orangutan that has been licking paint all day would help them lose weight (instead of wanting to use a razor blade to make Spyrograph images on their own faces), one has to ask; why did she choose to go to JumperTown when there was a perfectly good clinic in London, the sucky bint?

Jade is thought to have opted for the Leicester clinic because she stood less chance of being recognised there than in London.

Very perceptive, Jade, because as we all know, no-one in Leicester reads Heat or watches rubbish telly (because they're all far too busy going to art galleries or reading Foucault). The only other reason I can think of is that she was labouring under the huge misapprehension that all women in Leicester look like this. What a slur on that great city.

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