Sunday, January 13, 2008

He's not too old to get some smack off his Dad

Man, isn't it horrible when you get shamed up by your Dad? Like when he insists on wearing that manky jumper he got at Christmas 1997 and those trackie bottoms whenever you bring your girlfriend over. Or when you see him Elvis-dancing to Abba Gold at a cousin's wedding. Or when he's on the front of the News Of The World selling crack and heroin to prostitutes in 'No-Go Nottingham crime zone' (fucking hell, is there anywhere in Nottingham that's actually 'Go' anymore?) Radford, after being stung by the Fake Sheik himself (who presumably wasn't posing as a petrodollar millionaire for this particular job).

That, my friends, is the quandary being forced upon 'Millionaire soccer ace' Jermaine Pennant this morning, as he riffles through the country's leading Sunday shit-rag and reads about his old man being an EVIL MUSCLE-BOUND BOSS OF A SEEDY CRACK DEN (as opposed to a nice, well-kept crack den, presumably), as well as getting information on what prostitutes in Radford are charging at the moment. And I bet his first reaction, like all of us, would be to scream; "Ah DAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! PUT SOME FUCKING TROUSERS ON, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! YER ALLUS SHOWING US UP!" before stomping back to the bedroom to listen to Bullet For My Valentine at top volume.

5 comments:

Tina said...

Is my mum still safe in Stapleford? Is that no-go too? Am fairly sure she would have her tartan shopping trolley in any newspaper pictures, if you're on the lookout.

May Contain Notts said...

You mean No-Go Area Stapleford?

Bright Ambassador said...

Let's face it, Pennant's hardly been a paragon of virtue since leaving Meadow Lane, has he?

Knobhead said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Knobhead said...

The guys ok. Leave him alone. He won't rip you off unlike some in that crowd. He's just trying to get by living a fucked up life with a smack habit. And a millionaire son that hates him and won't help him! Most of the people who went to his place went coz they felt safe there and had nowhere else to go. He's remained decent despite his circumstances. Could easily be a bully but he's the exact opposite. Will go out of his way to help you. He's a decent bloke.